Dental Nightmares
by DuALity
Summary: Duo's got to get a wisdom tooth pulled! He's damn set against going...but the other boys are just as determined to get him there. Who's going to succeed?


**Dental Nightmares    **

**DuALity**

"I'm not going," Duo stated firmly, as he clung to the frame of the doorway with a grip of steel and more than a little desperation.  His violet eyes spoke volumes of pleading.

"You will go," Heero stated just as firmly, tightening his hold around Duo's waist.  "You need to get this done and it's long overdue."  He grunted when Duo's braid smacked him in the face as Duo shook his head violently.

"I'm not going," Duo repeated as he tried desperately to wriggle out of Heero's iron grasp and get a better grip on the doorframe.  "I don't want to go, damn it!  Let go of me Heero!  Or before Shinigami I'll take your soul now!  I'll torture you!  I'll…I'll…put frogs in your throat and snakes in your spandex!  You won't escape my wrath!"  Duo babbled incoherently as he increased his futile attempts at escape, glaring for all he was worth.

Heero simply used Duo's movements to secure a tighter hold on him while ignoring the endless torrent of words.

"He's trembling in fear, Maxwell.  You're talking to the one man who has managed to defy Death a countless number of times," a calm voice interceded from behind Heero.

            "Wu!" Duo looked over Heero's shoulder in relief.  "Help me!  Heero's trying to subject me to a fate worse than death!"

            Wufei only broadened his smile.  "I know…mind if I tag along to watch the fun?"

            Heero nodded, and gestured for Wufei to disengage Duo's death-hold on the door's frame, which began to make creaking sounds as nails were slowly being displaced from their long home.

            Duo wailed as Wufei managed to pry one hand loose.  "Wufei!!!  I thought you were my best friend!  You can't let Heero do this to me!"

            "Yes I can…" Wufei muttered as he tried to free the other hand.  "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make sure you went?

            "A good one!  Heeeeelp!" Duo yelled.

            "What's going on here?" Trowa asked, leaning his lanky frame along the wall.  His visible green eye casually surveyed the three boys in the doorway, taking note of the loudly protesting doorframe.

            "Hell's breaking loose," Wufei said in a deadpan voice, betrayed by the smirk on his face as he jabbed a pressure point on Duo's hand causing Duo to release the door with a yelp.

            Heero snorted.  "That was the day Duo was born," he grunted as all 100 plus pounds of a squirming bundle of black cloth and chestnut hair landed on his lap and immediately tried to make a break for the stairs.  "Oh no you don't…" Heero growled as he tackled the figure and sat on him.

            "I can't believe I'm saying this, but get off of me Heero!" Duo snarled, trying to topple Heero over.

            "No," Heero smirked.

            "Did you get him?" Quatre asked from the open front door.  Heero nodded and pointed to the scowling pilot under him.  "Great!  What are you waiting for?  Hurry up and get him in the car!"

            "Ain't going ain't going ain't going!" Duo wailed, as he dug his nails into the hardwood floor and held on for dear life as Heero calmly took him by his feet and dragged him towards the door.  Long wooden shreds followed his wake.  Quatre grimaced.  Replacing that floor was going to be hell.

            Wufei sighed and gently hit Duo at the back of his head.  Duo ceased struggling and slumped peacefully onto the floor.  The other pilots just looked at him.  "Well, what are you staring at!  He's quiet now isn't he?" Wufei scowled.  "Just pick him up and let's get going!"

            Heero nodded once and scooped up Deathscythe's pilot, throwing him over his shoulder.  Now why hadn't he thought of that?  Heero wondered, as he put Duo in a straitjacket and threw him through the car door Quatre was patiently holding open.  In the driver's seat, Rashid was glowering at them to hurry up.

Trowa padded out after the other four pilots, wondering when someone would answer his question.  He lounged in the seat next to Quatre who was busily giving orders and directions to Rashid.  Rashid nodded curtly and started up the engine.

Meanwhile, a groggy Duo, firmly ensconced between honor guards Heero Yuy and Wufei Chang, was slowly waking up and he was not a happy camper.

"Faster Rashid!  He's waking up!"  Quatre shouted.  Trowa only looked more confused.

"Um…anyone care to tell me what's going on here?" Trowa finally asked when his curiosity couldn't stand it any longer.

"We're taking Duo to get his wisdom teeth out," Wufei grimaced.  "Like I said, Hell's going to be breaking loose."

"You mean it hasn't already?" Heero growled, as Duo managed to get one arm out of the straitjacket.  

"Faster Rashid!"

"Duo, you do know that that straitjacket is for your own good don't you?" Wufei said sadly as he hit another pressure point on Duo's arm to immobilize it.  Duo glared.  

"I'm gonna get you for this Wu…" Duo glowered.

"Do it later," Wufei replied in a bored tone.  "We're here."

"Nonononononononononoooooo!" Duo shrieked as he launched his body back and forth.  "I won't go!  I won't!!!"  

"It won't hurt Duo!  Really!"  Quatre tried to reassure him.

"You mean until the anesthetic wears off," Wufei smirked.

"Shhhh, don't encourage him!" Quatre said quickly.  Wufei shrugged.  

"Hey, we all went through it already.  Duo's the last one.  It's only justice."

Heero nodded, a visible shudder going through his body as he remembered the last wisdom tooth he had pulled.  Oh well.  He had had his revenge…said tooth had been effectively neutralized after the doctor has removed it.

Trowa looked back at Heero and Wufei.  "I think Duo's getting away…" he said quietly, pointing at the desperate bundle outside the car trying to inch away as quickly as it could.

"I don't think he'll get very far in that," Wufei observed as he got out, picking up the violently squirming Duo and slinging him over his shoulder like a sack of flour.  "Let's go in."

"A Duo Maxwell to see the doctor," Heero stated to the nurse, daring her to argue with him.  

"Does he have an appointment?" she asked, looking down her nose at the impertinent young man with the piercing blue eyes.

Outside Quatre and Trowa were quickly hacking into the dental office's computer system to book Duo an appointment.

            "Yes he does," Wufei glared at the nurse.  "Go check your records onna."

            "Alright," the nurse sniffed as she turned towards the computer.

            Quatre and Trowa breathed sighs of relief as they successfully transferred Duo's files over.

            "I guess you do have an appointment after all," the nurse said grudgingly.  "Have a seat please."

            "Thanks," Heero said curtly as he and Wufei dragged the protesting Duo over to couches by the magazine racks.

            Duo whimpered as Heero and Wufei proceeded to ignore him while they waited.  "You guys are cruel, you know that?"

            "We had to go through this too…" Wufei muttered, trying not to twitch as he recalled that ordeal.  If he still remembered correctly, he had put the entire dental staff into the hospital.  But Duo didn't have to know that.

            "Yeah, and you all went in like brave young men I'm sure," Duo drawled sarcastically.  "Sally snitched on you, ya know…" Duo grinned.  Wufei moaned.  That onna…

            "Urusai," Heero frowned, trying hard not to think about his own ordeal.  The tooth was dead, he made sure of it…but he had nightmares about it growing back in.  Scary nightmares.  Almost as bad as the Relena ones…  Heero shuddered.

            "And we all remember Heero nuking the tooth in the backyard, don't we?" Duo snickered.  Heero glared at him.

            "I had to make sure it wouldn't come back."

            "Teeth don't come back after they're pulled Yuy!" Wufei snorted incredulously. 

            "The others did!"

            "Those are different!"

            "Shut up." Heero sulked.

            Duo looked more cheerful as he continued tormenting his captors.  After all, misery loves company…

"Is he in yet?" Quatre asked and he and Trowa entered the waiting room. 

            "Nope, still alive and kicking," Duo chirruped happily.  One more strap and he'd be loose…just one more.  Wufei and Heero were too engrossed in theories of whether or not nuked teeth could come back from their ivory graves to notice.

            Luckily, Trowa wasn't.  

            "Duo's about to get away again," he said softly.  Heero and Wufei's heads snapped up.

            "Duo…" Heero said warningly.  

            "Don't make us threaten you…" Wufei said just as darkly.

            "There's nothing you two could possibly threaten me with!" Duo declared, struggling wildly as they tightened the straps again.

            "Oh really?" Wufei purred, patting Duo's silky long hair.  "I've always wondered what you'd look like with…short hair.  Shall we find out?"  Duo blanched.

            "Or maybe pigtails?" Quatre supplied helpfully.

            "A mohawk," Heero smirked as a maniacal gleam entered his eyes.  "We'd be putting all of your useless bottles of gel to use at last."

            "Odangos," a soft voice said.  An eerie chuckle was heard.

            The other four turned to look at the source.  Trowa smiled.

            "Like Sailormoon hair."

            "AHHHHHH!!!!  Anything but THAT!!!" Duo shrieked.  "Trowa yer a closet sadist!"

            "Thank you."

            "You never told me that!" Quatre said indignantly.

            Four pairs of eyes ogled him.  

            "I uh…didn't mean it _that way!  Really you guys!"  Quatre stammered, turning red.  "Aw c'mon!"_

            "Oh…Quat…" Duo murmured reprovingly.  "And I thought I was bad…"

            Quatre could only sputter.  Trowa looked vastly amused.

"The doctor is ready to see you Mr. Maxwell."

            Duo shot up.  "Augh!  Not yet!  I'm too young to die!" he yelled, bouncing over to the exit door.  Four bodies tacked him and dragged him the other way.

            "You might want to anesthetize him," Wufei advised the doctor who looked very much like he was about to bolt himself.

            The doctor pulled at his necktie nervously… "I…uh, think you may be right…" His voice trailed off as Duo spiked him with a malevolent glare.  "Well, shall we get started?"

            "Noooooooooooo!"  Duo wailed as he was dragged off.

            In the waiting room, the other pilots could hear sounds of struggle and whimpers of pain, occasionally broken by shouts of frustration.

            "My friggin' jaw does not unhinge itself like a snake's dammit!"

            "Well I can't get your tooth out if you don't open your mouth up wider!"

            "Don't take it out then!"

            "It'll be more painful if that tooth grows in!"

            "It's gotta be less painful than this!!!"

            "Good grief!  Are you a man or a mouse?  It's just a tooth!"

            "As far as I know mice don't have wisdom teeth dumb ass!  Yeeeow!  That hurts!"

            "But I already gave you anesthetics!  It can't possibly hurt!"

            "Well it does!  Do something about it!"

            "Here, hold still…."

            "OUCH!  Watch the jaw!  It's tender!  Hey…hey!  Where are you sticking that corkscrew?  Oh no, it ain't going in my mouth, uh uh, no way…OW!"

            "Nurse, please siphon that blood out… Thank you…"

            "Blood?  What blood?  What the hell is blood doing in there?"

            "I have to cut your gums open to get the tooth out…it's growing in slightly horizontal so it's not as easy to get out right now."

            "Do I look like I care?  Just get it out already!  How long does this take!  I can't stand it anymore!"

            "Since it's your bottom tooth it should take about half an hour…"

            "Half an hour?!?!  Of this?  AHHHH!  Lemme outta here!"

            "Hmmm…I may need to smash the tooth and pick the pieces out…"

            "Wha..?  Smash the tooth?  What, you crazy or something!?!?  Hey!  Hey you guys!  Help meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"  The wail reached an unheard of cadence.

            "Quick nurse, while his mouth is wide open!"

            "Nooooooooooooo!"

            Outside in the waiting room, Wufei looked at the clock irritably.  "Isn't the screaming over yet?"  
  


            Quatre looked up tiredly.  "It's Duo…what do you think?"

            The others grimaced.  A half an hour of this mindless torture?  God save them…

            An hour later…

            One glowering Duo Maxwell stalked out of the door, followed by an exhausted doctor and his frazzled assistant.

            "I'm gonna get you guys," Duo growled, holding one side of his face painfully.

            The doctor looked heavenward.  "Finally…his tooth was very difficult to extract…"

            "We…heard…" Wufei said through gritted teeth.  "Quite well, I might add."

            "At any rate, he has to take an amoxicillin tablet four times a day to prevent infections and a codeine tablet whenever the pain gets to be too much.  He shouldn't eat anything but soft foods for a day or two…maybe even longer.  And also…"

            "What?!??!  I can't eat anything but mush!  No one told me THAT!"  Duo turned around and snarled.

            "Deal with it!" Heero snapped, at the end of his patience.  "Let's go home."

            "Fine!" Duo snapped back.

            "We need to get his prescription filled first Heero…" Quatre reminded him. 

            "You do it."

            "Alright…" Quatre sighed.  What a bother…

            Back at the safehouse…

            "Thanks Rashid," Quatre sighed, shutting the door wearily.

            "No problem, Master Quatre," Rashid said.  "We won't mention what you did when you had yours out…"

"No, we won't…" Quatre glared.  Rashid gulped and waved farewell as he drove off quickly.  "Well, that's over with," Quatre sighed as he went into the house where Duo was looking glumly at the mirror.

            "I have chipmunk cheeks…" Duo moaned.

            "Get over it already!" Wufei muttered as he lay on the couch with an ice pack on his forehead.  "It goes away.  Unlike my headache…" he groused.  
  


            "But I look awful…" Duo moped.

            "Stop being so vain!  You look fine!"

            "Really Wu?  You're not just saying that?"  Duo blinked at Wufei.

            "Yes, yes, you look fine…now get away from that infernal mirror!"

            Duo sniffled and curled up in a little ball on the couch next to Wufei.  "It hurts though…and the anesthetic hasn't even worn off yet."

            Wufei sighed and relented, sitting up to hold his ice pack against Duo's cheek.  "Better?" he asked softly, hanging an arm over Duo's shoulders.

            "Little…" Duo smiled weakly.  "Sorry for being such a pain."

            "S'okay.  I wasn't that much better when I got mine pulled."

            "I know.  You kept screaming 'Injustice' off the balcony whenever it hurt too badly."

            "Oh shut up."

            Duo chuckled.  Just then, Heero walked in from the kitchen where he had been slaving for the past hour or so…carrying a suspicious looking bowl of…rice porridge?!?!

            "Dinnertime.  Eat," Heero commanded, handing the bowl over to Duo, along with a spoon.

            "Yay!  Food!" Duo cheered, before he got a good look at what was in it.  "Ewww, you expect me to eat this stuff?"

            "I'll be surprised if you can manage it all," Trowa said looking at the bowl dubiously.

            "Alright, here goes…Ouch!  I can't swallow.  It hurts!"

            "Eat."

            Duo managed a few little sips, the pain in his mouth growing with each swallow as the anesthetic chose that opportune moment to wear off completely.  "Ouch, I said it hurts dammit!" 

            "Just a bit more," Heero said relentlessly.

            "I can't!"  Tears of pain and frustration began welling up in Duo's eyes.

            "You're an ex-Gundam pilot and a Preventer and you can't eat this?"

            "I would if I could, but it HURTS dammit!  It huuuurts!" Duo whimpered, looking at Wufei for help.

            Wufei sighed.  "Alright Yuy, he ate a little bit…let him have a codeine tablet and we can send him off to bed okay?"  Duo nodded tearfully.

            "Little bit more," Heero insisted gently.  "Or the codeine will hurt your stomach."

            Duo looked ready to burst into tears all over again, but he knew Heero was right, so he managed a few more sips before he finally threw the bowl at the wall in frustration.  "I said it hurts and it hurts!"

            "Okay, okay, you don't have to eat anymore, take a tablet with some milk so it won't upset your stomach," Quatre soothed, cleaning up the mess.

            Wufei scooped Duo up expertly and somehow managed to snag the bottle of tablets and the glass of milk Trowa was holding out on his way up the stairs.  "Be right back," he called over his shoulder.

            Heero scowled.  That was his job!  But then again, Duo was already mad at him…  Better to let Wufei cool him down a bit first.  Sleep would help.  

            Wufei came back down the stairs in a few minutes shaking his head ruefully.  "Okay, he's out like a light.  Guess he's exhausted from all that screaming…"

            "Thank Allah," Quatre sighed.  Trowa nodded.  What an interesting day it had been…

            "I'm going to sleep too," Wufei announced as he grabbed some pork buns and headed back up the stairs.  "All that yelling gave me a migraine."

            "Aa…" Heero said, heading off for the kitchen to eat something as well, before going upstairs to bed.

            "So…what shall we do now Trowa?" Quatre asked.  Trowa inclined his head and looked upstairs, a smirk tugging at his lips.  "My thoughts exactly.  Let's go."

The next day…

            "Hey!  I can eat tofu you guys!  Look!"

            "How many more days of this do we have to endure?" Wufei groaned.

            "About a week," Heero muttered.

            "Let's go somewhere far away, shall we Trowa?"

            "Okay."

            "Injustice!  If we have to suffer, you have to too!" Wufei scowled.

            "Hey you guys!  Look!"

            "We're looking Duo, we're looking!" Wufei turned around and glowered.

            "See, see?" 

            "We SEE Duo, we're not blind!" Heero muttered, as he typed away at his laptop.

            "But I'm still hungry!"

            "If I make you those water eggs* you love so much, will you shut up already?!?!" Wufei bribed.

            "I can eat those right?" Duo's woeful face brightened.

            "Yes, they're soft enough, you may.  With soy sauce too," Wufei stated.  "Now be quiet okay?"

            "Okay!  Thanks Wu!" Duo beamed happily, going back to his tofu.

            "Why me…why me?" Wufei moaned, as he went to the kitchen to cook the eggs.

~OWARI

Author's Notes:  *What I call water eggs (which probably has a different English name since I'm translating literally from Chinese) are basically beaten eggs (2-3 or however many you want) with water (as the name implies!) and a bit of oil and salt added…  Steam them until they're done over boiling water, and add soy sauce before eating.  They're really delicious…


End file.
